Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The anatomy of a male asian artist

I find it ironic that in the thousands of idiots & a few smartasses i've met ,no one has ever brought up this topic to our daily conversations. I'm pretty sure me & my buddies' mind have never crossed path on this sensitive matter.Well i can't really blame them for that because we were always either busy having our rivetting analytical talks on whether which of all the fast-foot franchise makes the best french fries or quarrelling on who should be entitled to own the last piece of crumb of that very french fries.So as i usually do,i question myself "Whyyy?!".Why hasn't there been anyone brave enough to tackle this subject. What exactly is behind these three magical words: male asian artist.

Before i go any further,i wanna get things straight.When i mean Asian,i mean those japanese,taiwanese & chinese.Hey,i dont mean to sound racy or something,trust me cos i'm not. Blame those Americans for stereotyping! (I know,i myself am stereotyping here. iSorry) Here's an example to back up the comment i have just made. Try googling "Asian porn" or "porn asia" ,odds are they will mostly show you pictures of chinese & their ethnicity of the opposing sex doing what human nature does best. What about us? The malays? The thai people? (When i mean us,please exclude myself.Remember,im an Iranian ok.Get it?) But on the other hand,those American twats do make sense.Since the Chinese,Japanese population represent the majority of Asia,we should be classified under one group that is Asians.Hey wait a minute,i think im not making sense at all. But you get my point. For those offended,i guess you can take that as a compliment. Their population are somewhat in their billions.

My fellow readers,by now you must be wondering.What exactly is Ameer talking about? Is he about to do the same mistake he did in high school? Is he going to write an essay & the content isn't even relative to the topic? How is the topic even considered ironic?

Well here is the answer.Have your light receptive & sound receptive cells ever realised how corny most of them are ? (Yes, stereotyping) For those die hard fans,I understand you guys. I can sense that you are now in a state of denial & your sane judgement are clouded by them.Some may even be traumatised.Face it ladies & gentlemen,reality bites. What was before an untouchable abstract piece of ideology,a notion so inexplicable that one would require a lifetime of learning just to master that very subject.After much extensive napping,i,with ease,have come up with several self-theorized features on what makes these breed of creatures : Male asian artists. Thus proving why critics (except,there is no critic) are labelling me as the saviour of the world.

The Facial Expression

Isn't this plain obvious? One look to his face,i think that he might be angry at something. But after carefully intrepreting,the dude is trying to sell his "im a tough guy" kind of persona & dude,im not buying. But i know,groupies would go gooo-gooo-gaaa-gaa after him saying how tough & masculine he is. Im pretty sure beneath the clothes is a skinny guy whose ass is waiting to be kicked by yours truly.

The Hair

This is a subject i have difficulty in solving.I was somewhat confused,disgusted,frustrated all at the same time by looking at this picture. So i consulted my fellow peers & we had a group meeting to discuss what exactly are those. What are they made of? Why the different variation in colors? Each of us had no clue so we got help from Prof.Jaheed from The Jaheed institute of Metrosexual higher learning. Together we discussed various issues & came to conclusion that the hair is a living squirrel,not a wig as many people suspected. According to Prof.Jaheed,these hairstyle is said to be "Cool" with a capital C.

1x 4 = 4.Ahhh,the agony.Here is the boyband version of it.

The Music

While i never really happened to listen their music. But their music can easily be identified with corny song title.After doing some research here is what i found.

e.g Romantic Mobile Phone - Jay Chou
Well honestly,that is the only song title i managed to find with a corny song title.I'm sure there are many out there but i'm just lazy to actually do some research despite what i said earlier.


Here is template situation of the whole thing.
1)Hunger driven CEOs would find a good-looking guy.
2)Change their appearances
3)Get them their own hairstylist
4)Get their nails manicured
5)Enrol them to Vocal lessons
6)Feed them with lyrics that were written by somebody else
7)Market them
8)If everything failed, hey,there's still a career in the gay bar business right? (as a male stripper that is)

So at the end of the day,these artises are basically marketing plans. HA!

My advice to you idiots is to listen to genuine artises like James Blunt,Gwen Stefani etc or any bands who writes their own music & those who don't need dictation to express their own style.Im sure there are many out there & of course,listen to that suits you.If your music taste happen to be those i named mainly in the article above,i guess there's no point of you reading this article.Sorry,you have just wasted your time.Back to square one i guess!

Ameer is tired.


Anonymous Prof.Abrakim Samaad said...

when i heard about your conclusion Ameer... i have found out that your conclusions is not a so-called waste at all.I have sent 3 of my students where each are sent to malaysia,singapore and brunei.They have found out that what your every analysis are true where most of the people living in each country,it is a must that they have thier favourite male asian artist wether it is in thier handphones,cd's or iPod.People are getting too influence on this nonesense.I hope to overcome this typical behaviour in any-what-ways as soon as possible in every way that we can do.Even one of my students,Lee-jung apo,who is half korean half malaysian has never heard these so called "male asian artist" so i have given her some examples of the music and she had found out that these kind of music are horrid,retarded,typical embarrasment to thier own country's.As my interest continues to rise i will send more of my students through EUROPE where they will do more analysis on "MAA"(Male Asian Artist).I will update you on further information sent by my students.May peace be upon you.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Ahmed Ameer Kaffenberger said...

Holy crap! clicked the wrong button. Anyway Mr.Samaad aka sir douchebaggette ,tell me when it's done. Just keep in touch ..

12:33 PM  
Blogger unharm6187 said...

hehe. lol. man, ur words cracked me up. keep it up!

btw, jay chou writes his own songs. =D and no, im not his fan. my sister is though. I had to put up with hours and hours of Jay Chou songs. His song in Fearless was pretty good. =)

F4 on the other hand, trying to extend their fame beyond "meteor garden" - a tv drama series that I do not recommend anyone to watch. Just because it drags on and on and on... *snore*.

12:03 AM  

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